Follow-Up

Tomorrow I have a follow-up with my wls office. I'll see my wonderful, amazing, lovely PA Erica. I absolutely adore her. She is caring and personable. During the battle for my revision with the insurance company, she kept me sane. She participated in my lap band procedure, most of my 30+ Lap Band fills, my revision surgery, and my gall bladder removal. I think so highly of her that for some time I considered that I'd love to go back to school to become a PA.... She truly inspires me. That dream was short lived, when I remembered all of my student loans, but if I ever win the lottery, I could follow through. I'd love to be the light in a sometimes otherwise difficult spot for other patients as she has been for me.

So needless to say, I'm pretty excited to see her tomorrow. I'm excited to share my progress with her. Nope, not at the goal number, but yes- I'm at the goal. Goal: mother. Goal: healthier. Goal: happy.

I'm including a recent photo that I snapped over the weekend. I hardly even recognize myself.

My weight loss journey as a Momma

There once was a time that I needed my blog to maintain my sanity.  I blogged every day sometimes.  Now, I can hardly find time or inspiration to write.

A part of it is that the weight loss stuff is great.  Am I at my goal weight? No.  Do I care? No.

I'm healthy and happy and that is more important than a number on a scale or the size in my jeans.  I have energy and I think I look good anyway, what others thing shouldn't matter should it?  I feel like I'm in the realm of "normal" for the first time in my adult life.  I still qualify as 'plus size' but what does that label mean anyway?

I can't promise I'll be here often, but I had something I want to put out there for any of you who are on the weight loss journey to become moms one day.  YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT SACRIFICING YOUR GOALS!  I'm 34 pounds lighter than I was the day I found out I was pregnant exactly one year ago this week.  I have a happy healthy baby boy and everything I ever wanted from this weight loss surgery.  Don't give up your dreams because you see other mommas struggling.  We each have a different journey and it's completely worth it.

2016

Happy 2016!

I hope you all had wonderful holidays and enjoyed all of the food and family associated with Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year and you're now getting yourselves back on track!

I had an amazing holiday season with my new family and somehow managed to not gain any weight.  I didn't lose any weight either though and I'm okay with that.  I am still pretty apathetic about my weight.  I'm not at my goal weight but I feel good, healthy and I am comfortable in my skin.  What more could I ask for?

Sure... I could ask to be a size 6, but how would that really make things better?  I don't really think it would.  I'm happy with my current weight and at this point, any more loss is just extra and a cherry on top!

I say all of that, however I did join a DietBet again.  I was really successful last time at losing weight at winning money ($292!!!) so I thought it would be a good way to keep myself on track and keep me from gaining.  I have to focus on losing to keep from gaining... I think if I ever got to goal, maintaining would be the hardest thing ever.

Anyway, I'm about 30# from the number goal that I always said I'd like to be at, but as far as life and non-scale victories, I'm right where I wanted to be.

After all, I had this surgery to be healthy (check) and to someday be able to be a mom (check!).  I won't get greedy, but I'll keep working hard.

Our first Thanksgiving (above)

Our first Christmas (below)

My sweet happy boy <3

A ((crazy)) Birth Story

Well... I'm quite behind.  Xavier is here!  And he is 3.5 weeks old already.  I have been so busy sleeping and feeding and changing diapers, and let's be honest, just staring at him, that I haven't written.

Xavier was born on November 8, 2015 at 6:21am, 20 inches long and 7 pounds 3 oz.  He was born unexpectedly in my bed at home.

Yep, that's right.....

I woke up on the morning of the 7th and knew I was in labor.  I felt different and my body just knew those weren't braxton hick's contractions.  So I got up, showered, and decided I needed to go get my nails done because they were too long and would scratch my newborn baby.  I went to the nail salon while Mr. Banker was at work...he thought I was crazy.

When Mr. Banker got home from work, I began timing my contractions.  When they got to one minute each and 4 minutes apart, I decided it was time to go to the hospital.  We arrived at the hospital around 6pm and I was excited to find out that my favorite obstetrician was on duty.  They checked my contractions and said although they were consistent, I wasn't dilating enough so they sent me home at 11:30pm at 3cm dilated and told me to come back when it felt like the 'real deal'.  I asked how I'd know it was the real deal and they told me I wouldn't be able to talk through my contractions and I would be calling Mr. Banker every name in the book.  So home I went and waited for those signs....which never came.

I tried to sleep but I was in a lot of pain, I kept taking baths to ease the pain.  It got more intense at 3am and by 5am I told my mom to go ahead and drive to my city because it HAD to be the real deal.  I got in a bath again at 5:30am and had a very strong contraction that told me we needed to go back to the hospital, although I was still talking through each contraction.  By that time I could not even walk and Mr. Banker had to help me out of the shower and dry me.  I was trying to dress to go back to the hospital when I had the urge to throw up.  I sat on the toilet and intended to throw up in a bucked so I wouldn't pee on myself, but the sudden urge to push overtook me.  As I reached down I felt my baby's head and knew it was time.  I screamed for Mr. Banker, who called 9-1-1, and delivered our son on his own, with just the telephone assistance of the emergency operator.  He did an amazing job.

The firefighters and paramedics arrived 15 minutes after Xavier's birth and we were transported to the hospital.  We were both healthy and all was well.

As for now, I love being a mother.  There is no other love like this.  I can't describe the feeling.  It's wonderful, even with the sleep deprivation and feeling like his own personal dairy bar at times.

Mr. Banker and I have been off of work together for these first weeks and we're doing great.  Promise to try to write again soon.

38.5 Weeks Pregnant

Hi everyone...

Long time no write, I know I know.  So here's the deal... I have been BAD with food.  So BAD.  At my weekly OB checkup 2 weeks ago, I lost 4 pounds in 1 week and my doctor told me not to keep up that trend.  I took his order a bit seriously, and went kinda crazy the following week and found those 4 pounds plus 1.  But, I'm still under pre-pregnancy weight so I shouldn't fret I guess?

I'm feeling pretty miserable.  I'm tired of being pregnant, even though my belly is still quite small considering I'm almost due.  Baby Boy has dropped significantly and there is a lot of pain/pressure in my pelvis.  Bottom line is, I am just ready to have this baby here in my arms.  I'm ready to see Mr. Banker get to hold his son for the first time.  I'm ready to not hurt anymore and not moan and groan when I have to get up off of the couch.

I've had quite a few maternity shoots now.  One of my dear WLS friends introduced me to a cool website called Model Mayhem where professional photographers are looking for models to shoot for their website.  In exchange, you get your photos for free.  I've been truly lucky to get a lot of great shots.  Saturday Mr. Banker and I did a shoot together, and it felt less like work and more like fun with him there with me.  I've only seen 2 photos so far from that shoot, and will post a few of my previous shoot photos as well:

Mr. Banker and Me-38 weeks pregnant

www.southplacephotography.com

32 Weeks pregnant

www.osbrinkphotography.com

34 weeks pregnant

Kenneth McNay photography

32 weeks pregnant

Steven Due photography

Emotional Eating

I've been eating my feelings today.  That's something I haven't done in a LONG LONG time.

It just shows me that I am still a fat girl in my head sometimes and I have to try harder to fight it.  That's why I'm here now, blogging.  To keep me from putting another piece of food in my mouth.  I don't even know where it all fit.  Before noon I had eaten

A piece of french toast

Chobani flips yogurt

Meat and Cheese Lunchable

A small piece of Broccoli Chicken Cheddar quiche

Where the hell did all that food fit?!

I don't know, but it went somewhere....

I got upset today over family stuff.  Basically, I had offered a bedroom set built by my great grandfather to my aunt and uncle.  I simply don't have room for it and getting rid of it was breaking my heart, but my son needs a nursery more than I need to keep that furniture.  I wanted to keep it in the family, so I offered it to this aunt and uncle who has pretended to be supportive during my pregnancy, but I now have a suspicion that it truly was just an act.

I offered this furniture to them over a month ago, and they still haven't come to get it.  It's been sitting in my garage for over a month waiting on them to come get it.  My water heater burst last week, flooding my garage, so I asked them to try to make a trip to get it out of the water, they told me to move it somewhere dry.  If I had anywhere dry to put it, I wouldn't be giving it away.  That's beside the point.  Anyway, they went to my father yesterday and told him I was giving it away, and also lied telling him I had gotten rid of all of my grandmother's crystal some time ago.  I gave a few pieces away 2 summers ago because I thought it was a nice thing to share with my female cousins, but I kept most of it.  Regardless, them telling my dad all of this did not help an already very unfortunate situation, I was called an ungrateful bitch, etc.  It just gets so frustrating trying to do the right thing and feeling shit on for it.

I know I was trying to do the right thing, so what anyone else thinks shouldn't matter, but it hurts my feelings.  I feel betrayed.  I feel like doing the right thing is useless.  But I know it's not.  And I know I'm still the better person.

Putting this here may only temporarily stop the emotional eating, but I'm hoping this emotional purge will help.

33/34 weeks update

The last week or so has been a complete whirlwind!

Last Friday my mom came to town for our baby shower weekend and then Saturday Mr. Banker's parents arrived.  It was so amazing for them to finally meet, and it all went really well.  Of course it sucks that my father wasn't there, but I guess this is just a fact of life that I will have to come to terms with.

We went to dinner with his parents, my mom, and my grandmother Saturday night and that was very nice.  We took them to Ruth's Chris and it occurred to me that I really just don't care about food that much anymore.  I didn't care what I ate or where (except that I did not want to go to this all-you-can-eat Brazilian buffet Mr. Banker suggested--for obvious reason).  That's a huge change in my life over the last 3 years that I am very thankful for.  I don't crave food and I can eat the same thing for days if I need to because it's for nourishment more than enjoyment now.

Our baby shower was Sunday and it was so wonderful.  We had so many friends and family there to show their love and support for us and for Xavier.  I may be partial, but it was one of the best showers I've been to.

A photo from the shower, 33 weeks pregnant.

The letters spelling XAVIER behind us were painted for the nursery by Mr. Banker's best friend.

I can't wait to get the letters hung in his room.